Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
