I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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