My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
