it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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