went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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