Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
