How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
