yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize