I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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