mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
