did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
