You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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