What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
