I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
