Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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