I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize