i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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