do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
