god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
