Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
