Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
