i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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