No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize