party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
