he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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