I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
