I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
