belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just google imaged poop.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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