the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
