The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
