I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
