hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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