Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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