I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
