i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
