My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
