Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
