I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
