you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
