Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize