batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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