Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
