I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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