The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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