i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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