you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
