You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
