She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
