Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
