"it" just moved
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
