I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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