I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
