he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
