I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
