Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
