youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize