I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just want to make out with him forever
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
