Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
