I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I want a musical about memes.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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