The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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