I must be too annoying 4 u.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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