it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
