just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
