I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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