Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
