i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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