CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
