I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize