I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
