Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
