He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
