Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
