And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize