Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
