woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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