He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
