My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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