Will you blow on my dice?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
