That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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