Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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