you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
