I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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