drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
