Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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