I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
