dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
