it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
