You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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