I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When are your genitals available?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
