I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
