Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
