it wasn't lemon gatorade
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
