i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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