This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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