if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize