Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
