god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
