I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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