You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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