dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
