You just made me feel so damn special
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
