listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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